Blocked feelings
This was a working Sunday for me. And I do not work at a shopping mall or anything like that. I am just a master student. Yes, I have these stupid ideas from times to times. But that is not the point.
I decided to go for a morning walk, since I would be at school for the afternoon. And people usually walk to work out or to clear their minds. I do not know if this is the rule and I am the exception again, or the opposite, but when I walk (all the three times I have had), I think more than I usually do. Maybe it is the fresh air, or the loud music in my ears, or the full schedule that does not allow me to think the things I want in a daily basis.
And when I was walking on Sunday, there was fog and the weather was a bit cold, humidity was high (I almost fell four times), so I couldn't help but think about emotions and reactions.
Of course, I want to share with you my thoughts. You know, when you grow up and realise that the world will not be full of parents or other people that love you just the way you are and protect you and take care of you, then you understand that sadness can be a big part of your life's picture. And it is included in the human nature I suppose that both positive and negative situations will occur and you will have both happiness and sadness in your life. This is my introduction. These are things that we all believe more or less.
And my frivolous point is that we try to block the bad feelings, avoid hurting, trying to even block bad thoughts, not feel pain, not feel rejection. And somehow, we might manage. But I couldn't help but wonder what is happening with the good feelings. Do we instinctively block them too? How can we know once we are trained to block feelings that are intense that we haven't been blocking the positive feelings as well?
I am not obviously sad this period of time. I smile, I laugh a lot, I have a good time. But what I do for the last five years is a big, endless effort not to let my negative feelings drag me done like an anchor. And I fight these feelings, I am ready to fight every little thing called feeling every moment of the day. Because I am strong and I want to survive. And I am not the only one, to be clear. Who can reassure me that I am not fighting all the carefree, must feel feelings that I meet? Do you know how things feel after a while? Do you remember excitement, love, enthusiasm, when you don't want to know their opposites?
All in all, do feelings exist "with their opposites"? Do you get my point? Are we sure we separate what is good and what is bad when blocking feelings has become a norm?
I think sometimes we need to dive into our feelings, let our human nature feel pain and through pain we might meet joy.
Just a suggestion. I don't know. Still thinking.
I decided to go for a morning walk, since I would be at school for the afternoon. And people usually walk to work out or to clear their minds. I do not know if this is the rule and I am the exception again, or the opposite, but when I walk (all the three times I have had), I think more than I usually do. Maybe it is the fresh air, or the loud music in my ears, or the full schedule that does not allow me to think the things I want in a daily basis.
And when I was walking on Sunday, there was fog and the weather was a bit cold, humidity was high (I almost fell four times), so I couldn't help but think about emotions and reactions.
Of course, I want to share with you my thoughts. You know, when you grow up and realise that the world will not be full of parents or other people that love you just the way you are and protect you and take care of you, then you understand that sadness can be a big part of your life's picture. And it is included in the human nature I suppose that both positive and negative situations will occur and you will have both happiness and sadness in your life. This is my introduction. These are things that we all believe more or less.
And my frivolous point is that we try to block the bad feelings, avoid hurting, trying to even block bad thoughts, not feel pain, not feel rejection. And somehow, we might manage. But I couldn't help but wonder what is happening with the good feelings. Do we instinctively block them too? How can we know once we are trained to block feelings that are intense that we haven't been blocking the positive feelings as well?
I am not obviously sad this period of time. I smile, I laugh a lot, I have a good time. But what I do for the last five years is a big, endless effort not to let my negative feelings drag me done like an anchor. And I fight these feelings, I am ready to fight every little thing called feeling every moment of the day. Because I am strong and I want to survive. And I am not the only one, to be clear. Who can reassure me that I am not fighting all the carefree, must feel feelings that I meet? Do you know how things feel after a while? Do you remember excitement, love, enthusiasm, when you don't want to know their opposites?
All in all, do feelings exist "with their opposites"? Do you get my point? Are we sure we separate what is good and what is bad when blocking feelings has become a norm?
I think sometimes we need to dive into our feelings, let our human nature feel pain and through pain we might meet joy.
Just a suggestion. I don't know. Still thinking.
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