L'esprit de l'escalier
"Staircase wit" as it is defined in Wikipedia (11th November 2015)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/L%27esprit_de_l%27escalier
That is the feeling of the day. When you have to spit out words and arguments that came too late when arguing. The weird connection in my mind comes like that.
You can be speechless some times, but you can also be "listeningless" (Sorry for the word building, but that is the point of this post).
I mean, I feel sometimes, and it can definitely be wrong- no credits asked there, that I have heard a lot of stupid things in my life so far. And sometimes I identify the source of the stupid things and arguments and use a label. And after a while, I stop listening to things told by this person labeled as "The one that uses ridiculous arguments" or "The one that does not know what they are talking about". And this is how I become "listeningless". I am there, I look like I listen but I have made my assumptions way back. I know beforehand. Or I think I know. In other words, I have passed the process of the spoken words of specific people into system 1 of the brain (see Kahneman), it is automated and not reflective. And it signs without processing "STUPID", or "BLA BLA BLA".
But some times, some nights or early mornings, when I look back and try to learn and reflect, I move some of my thoughts and daily events or dialogues to system 2. And I think, and sometimes I overdo the thinking and I overanalyse. And two feelings are potentially born from this thinking. Either I am indeed a listeningless person who judged too fast and to be more precise, misjudged, and I was wrong and I actually learn something and if the circumstances help, I apologise, OR...
(Hmmm, I want to spend so much time at this part now... I want it badly but I will not do it.)
or I realised I experienced the staircase wit. I said nothing when I wanted to, because I was left speechless, or I was shocked and incapable of spiting out the first thing that came into my mind, because I simply lacked such a visit. And yes, the best ideas, the best answers and the best arguments come at the top of the stairs, according to definition of the phenomenon. :)
What is happening though, when we have all the arguments we need, but the dialogue does not need arguments because of its nature? A well-raised question here is "What do you mean nature Candy? How can it be possible that a dialogue has an non-responsive nature?" Hmmm. I think these dialogues exist at least in my freaking reality and they are those that take place with people that I have not decided yet if I "labeled" them or not. So there is a mental wooden label in my mind coming up and down when speaking to a person like that. And sometimes I listen and react, some other times I do not listen, but if and when I think of the conversation later, I feel I had plenty to answer and regret of feeling speechless at the time BECAUSE OF THE LABEL.
Is this argument too complicated or too sick to follow? Is it unclear?
I don't know. I know that I have a good friend, not the imaginary one, who always tells me not to be afraid to give the answers I want to people just out of fear that they will reject me. I have yet to manage that level of expressing myself. And the above mentioned confusion is based on my efforts to express myself sometimes and do my thing- judge or ignore because I know better that that, or to stay speechless and block the thoughts and arguments until I have climbed up my mental stairs and I have regretted not answering and not saying the things I should feel like saying, because of fear.
Can fear of rejection become a rejection phobia after some years? Because if there is such thing, I abandon now my phobia of birds and choose this one instead. But is it irrational enough to be under the phobia umbrella-definition?
And a last point, am I always wrong when I am "listeningless"? Can I expect something valid from a stupid person? Can I expect from a hopeless case to express something worth listening or then I become too optimistic? And most importantly, am I afraid of being rejected when I keep listening even when I am "listeningless" towards some people? What am I still doing there listening? Why? Is it a social contract that I follow?
We will never know. Or you will never know. I will figure it out.
Summing up, the feeling of the day is "L'esprit de l'escalier". I must run down the stairs and start using my arguments.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/L%27esprit_de_l%27escalier
You can be speechless some times, but you can also be "listeningless" (Sorry for the word building, but that is the point of this post).
I mean, I feel sometimes, and it can definitely be wrong- no credits asked there, that I have heard a lot of stupid things in my life so far. And sometimes I identify the source of the stupid things and arguments and use a label. And after a while, I stop listening to things told by this person labeled as "The one that uses ridiculous arguments" or "The one that does not know what they are talking about". And this is how I become "listeningless". I am there, I look like I listen but I have made my assumptions way back. I know beforehand. Or I think I know. In other words, I have passed the process of the spoken words of specific people into system 1 of the brain (see Kahneman), it is automated and not reflective. And it signs without processing "STUPID", or "BLA BLA BLA".
But some times, some nights or early mornings, when I look back and try to learn and reflect, I move some of my thoughts and daily events or dialogues to system 2. And I think, and sometimes I overdo the thinking and I overanalyse. And two feelings are potentially born from this thinking. Either I am indeed a listeningless person who judged too fast and to be more precise, misjudged, and I was wrong and I actually learn something and if the circumstances help, I apologise, OR...
(Hmmm, I want to spend so much time at this part now... I want it badly but I will not do it.)
or I realised I experienced the staircase wit. I said nothing when I wanted to, because I was left speechless, or I was shocked and incapable of spiting out the first thing that came into my mind, because I simply lacked such a visit. And yes, the best ideas, the best answers and the best arguments come at the top of the stairs, according to definition of the phenomenon. :)
What is happening though, when we have all the arguments we need, but the dialogue does not need arguments because of its nature? A well-raised question here is "What do you mean nature Candy? How can it be possible that a dialogue has an non-responsive nature?" Hmmm. I think these dialogues exist at least in my freaking reality and they are those that take place with people that I have not decided yet if I "labeled" them or not. So there is a mental wooden label in my mind coming up and down when speaking to a person like that. And sometimes I listen and react, some other times I do not listen, but if and when I think of the conversation later, I feel I had plenty to answer and regret of feeling speechless at the time BECAUSE OF THE LABEL.
Is this argument too complicated or too sick to follow? Is it unclear?
I don't know. I know that I have a good friend, not the imaginary one, who always tells me not to be afraid to give the answers I want to people just out of fear that they will reject me. I have yet to manage that level of expressing myself. And the above mentioned confusion is based on my efforts to express myself sometimes and do my thing- judge or ignore because I know better that that, or to stay speechless and block the thoughts and arguments until I have climbed up my mental stairs and I have regretted not answering and not saying the things I should feel like saying, because of fear.
Can fear of rejection become a rejection phobia after some years? Because if there is such thing, I abandon now my phobia of birds and choose this one instead. But is it irrational enough to be under the phobia umbrella-definition?
And a last point, am I always wrong when I am "listeningless"? Can I expect something valid from a stupid person? Can I expect from a hopeless case to express something worth listening or then I become too optimistic? And most importantly, am I afraid of being rejected when I keep listening even when I am "listeningless" towards some people? What am I still doing there listening? Why? Is it a social contract that I follow?
We will never know. Or you will never know. I will figure it out.
Summing up, the feeling of the day is "L'esprit de l'escalier". I must run down the stairs and start using my arguments.
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