Behaving according to situations
What is a good behaviour and what is a bad one? Isn't this the same situation as the adjectives we use to characterize people? We should not say "you are stupid", we should say "you act stupidly/ you are being stupid", to exemplify. If we take this for granted, it means that we should not judge a behaviour just by looking at it, but also considering the factors that triggered that behaviour or the objects towards which we behave in a specific way.
These were my thoughts this week and I decided that I will not be judgmental. I will not say again to anyone that a behaviour was bad before considering the content.
But what made me interested and started writing this post is not just that statement. This works from two sides. We should consider how to behave not just by choosing an attitude that suits us and our personality, but also the proper behaviour situation-wise.
And here comes my biggest mistake. I try to be civilized with people and situations that would be more efficient if I had not been. I try not to ask questions and be proper according to my "proper" definition, but not to the "proper" for the situation.
That leads to the conclusion that when someone does not treat you right, you should stand up and make aggressively clear that this is not acceptable and perhaps demand an apology or an explanation. That, I did not do.
We are humans, it is expected and normal that things change and opinions and interest shift. When someone stops being interested in our company and our personality, we cannot ask questions. Interest cannot always be argued. But when it comes to behaviour shifts, we need to ask questions. We are entitled to understanding the shifts. My mental health needs me to ask questions. Otherwise, I ask myself those questions and that is never easy to handle. Nor leads to any value-adding, lessons-learnt result.
In order to ask the right questions, you need to trust yourself and your instincts. If you are getting mixed signals, express that you are getting mixed signals. If you get low responsiveness to your talking, ask for better responsiveness. Do not just give up and leave. Because people who tend to behave in a bad way, will never consider that you acted as the bigger person, the nicer heart and the proper adult. They will not consider anything to be honest.
Is it helpful at all to keep things inside and not expose the source of your feelings and thoughts to an open discussion? I do not think so. I need to work on that. Personally, I need to be better at replying when I have to, and being silent when I have to. Not just one behaviour for every situation.
It is not acceptable, from a human, to keep people waiting without informing them that you are going to be late or that something happened. It is not acceptable to hook people up without revealing your agenda. It is not acceptable to be rude to people and not take any comments on your rude behaviour.
We have a voice and we must use it. That is what differentiates us from animals. We need to utilize our brain to understand the situation and send out the customized responses that will do more good that pretending to be the good-mannered adult.
You should not smile when you feel that you have been mistreated. You should not allow people to invade your personal space when you don't feel comfortable about it. You should not avoid answering when your answer is crucial.
People that don't usually behave well might not listen to you, but there is a slight chance that a small percentage might consider what you say and change for future reference. You can only do good by being adaptable to people, behaviours and situations. Do that, and I will do it too.
These were my thoughts this week and I decided that I will not be judgmental. I will not say again to anyone that a behaviour was bad before considering the content.
But what made me interested and started writing this post is not just that statement. This works from two sides. We should consider how to behave not just by choosing an attitude that suits us and our personality, but also the proper behaviour situation-wise.
And here comes my biggest mistake. I try to be civilized with people and situations that would be more efficient if I had not been. I try not to ask questions and be proper according to my "proper" definition, but not to the "proper" for the situation.
That leads to the conclusion that when someone does not treat you right, you should stand up and make aggressively clear that this is not acceptable and perhaps demand an apology or an explanation. That, I did not do.
We are humans, it is expected and normal that things change and opinions and interest shift. When someone stops being interested in our company and our personality, we cannot ask questions. Interest cannot always be argued. But when it comes to behaviour shifts, we need to ask questions. We are entitled to understanding the shifts. My mental health needs me to ask questions. Otherwise, I ask myself those questions and that is never easy to handle. Nor leads to any value-adding, lessons-learnt result.
In order to ask the right questions, you need to trust yourself and your instincts. If you are getting mixed signals, express that you are getting mixed signals. If you get low responsiveness to your talking, ask for better responsiveness. Do not just give up and leave. Because people who tend to behave in a bad way, will never consider that you acted as the bigger person, the nicer heart and the proper adult. They will not consider anything to be honest.
Is it helpful at all to keep things inside and not expose the source of your feelings and thoughts to an open discussion? I do not think so. I need to work on that. Personally, I need to be better at replying when I have to, and being silent when I have to. Not just one behaviour for every situation.
It is not acceptable, from a human, to keep people waiting without informing them that you are going to be late or that something happened. It is not acceptable to hook people up without revealing your agenda. It is not acceptable to be rude to people and not take any comments on your rude behaviour.
We have a voice and we must use it. That is what differentiates us from animals. We need to utilize our brain to understand the situation and send out the customized responses that will do more good that pretending to be the good-mannered adult.
You should not smile when you feel that you have been mistreated. You should not allow people to invade your personal space when you don't feel comfortable about it. You should not avoid answering when your answer is crucial.
People that don't usually behave well might not listen to you, but there is a slight chance that a small percentage might consider what you say and change for future reference. You can only do good by being adaptable to people, behaviours and situations. Do that, and I will do it too.
Comments
Post a Comment