Cloud Discussions

Yesterday evening was one of those days that I would kill to be able to call my mum and talk and discuss and tell her my news and listen to her feedback. 

Exactly as I did when I was studying or working in Greece. Hours and hours of discussions, and she was never tired. She craved for our company and news. 

And now more than ever, I need advice, I need comments and discussions and I need her to tell me what is wrong with me (and her answer would be that I am perfect and she loves me and she has the best daughter in the world, so exactly what I need). 

It takes so much time for a person to realize and experience the loss and the actual lack. And it has been years but I finally understood it. From the small, daily things, not the big ones, not always the important ones. Because the important moments in your life will be happy or sad moments, and you almost always have people around you these moments. But for the rest, this is unbearable. No reference, sentimental or psychological, when your parents die. No reference to anything. You lose your connection to the past and you have to re-define your future. 

When you have parents, it means you have someone with different view in life, a broader one, and a different view in yourself, a less confused one, and someone that loves you no matter what and has no agenda when it comes to advising you or listening to you. I think I replay in my mind some of my mum's recommendations from the time that she was in hospital. And I remember I was going to leave because I had something to do, and she told me things that I still try to apply. It was weird for me to listen to her without protesting or arguing. Now that I think about it, I am hard to deal. How could my parents accept me? Is this why no one accepts me now?

I do not suggest that you should live your lives with the fear that you are going to lose someone important, because this is a fact and this should not keep you from walking your own steps, living your own successes and failures and learning by your own mistakes. But I really want to tell you all not to take parents for granted. It is a complicated and indescribable connection into that relationship that cannot be replicated and cannot be delegated or assigned to another person. It is so perfectly made, that you cannot duplicate the recipe. So enjoy your moments, really enjoy, listen, talk, argue, discuss, fight and love again your parents because it is the most sincere loop of the universe, and somehow you always manage to end up in a loving hug.

I envy you.